From stress to success
With the application of the GROW model one can learn to shift from an un-resourceful state to a powerful resourceful one.
Most people get stuck within a vicious circle where their problems become the center focus. Getting rid of them problem is all they think about. Such strategy is largely based on fear and utilizes it as motivation. People can become paralyzed if they don’t have any more options in mind. One of my clients was stuck in one of these vicious circles; as a result he wasn’t able to sleep and his performance at work was wagering. He was at risk of losing his job. He had sought counseling and assistance from different services but his problem continued. During our first session it became very evident to me that he was stuck on “the escape circle”: he just wanted to get rid of those things he didn’t want.
G-oal: First step is to clarify and agree on a realistic and motivating outcome. I asked him: if you didn’t have this problem, what would you like to have instead? I continued to question him until he began to describe his ideal conditions and what he would truly love to have in his life. His whole face shifted, his body straightened up, his breathing changed and his eyes began to sparkle. He had become aware of the fact that something very powerful existed within him.
You can clarify your goals by asking:
If I didn’t have this problem, what would I like instead? Find a way to formulate goals in the positive.
What is my purpose for wanting “ ——-“?
If this problem where to disappear for good, right now, how would you know it’s gone? What would you see, hear and feel?
R-eality: Second step is to raise awareness of what is happening right now. Looking at his current situation from a different state of mind he was able to quickly recognize all the influencing factors of his current situation. He discovered that every day he was engaging on a ritual which was causing him harm. He would lie down on his bed every night and he would imagine all the things that could go wrong. He would blow out of proportion everything that was really happening and as a result he couldn’t sleep. I don’t think anybody in the world would be able to sleep if he did that right before bed. We successfully identified many of those mental triggers and worked on transforming them during the session.
You can explore your current state by asking:
Compared to the outcome you want; where are you right now?
What have you done about overcoming the issues so far?
What happened the first time you became aware of “the problem”? Did “the problem” existed before that? What has happened since then?
It is very useful to explore the structure of the representations you have about “the problem”. What do you see in your mind? What do you hear? What do you feel? At this point it’s important to work on a descriptive way, which will allow you to use all data you gather as leverage, as something you can transform and utilize. For example, if what you see in your mind is a picture which contains movement and is in color and you see as if you were looking through your own eyes; play around with the variables and shift them, make the colors less intense, imagine you are seeing yourself, etc. notice, while you are shifting those variables, what changes in your kinesthetic response. I rather would recommend you get a coach if you want to explore those variables.
O-ptions: Simulate ideas and choices of new ways to perform. He learned very fast how to identify his own intention for doing what he was doing. He learned to acknowledge such intention and to generate different mental behaviors which would all match such intention. We worked on some mental techniques to elicit states of high performance and to create a more resourceful response.
You can explore your options by becoming aware of your purpose and your intention:
What is your intention for your current plan? What is your intention for doing what you have being doing until now?
Explore as well the intention of your behaviors and your emotions as related to the context which you are currently working on.
Begin to imagine multiple future timelines where you create different plans and you behave in different ways while aiming at fulfilling the intention and the purpose that the original problem/solution had. Imagine as well obtaining satisfying results which match the intention and the purpose you originally had.
W-ill: Check commitment to options. By this point he was so motivated and ready to act that I barely had to do anything more. He committed to practicing the techniques he had learnt and remaining aware to recognize any moment where he may be doing mentally what he used to do in the past.
On our second session he was thrilled and excited. He had been able to sleep properly since our last session and he had gotten already very good results. He had been diligently applying what he learned on the first session. He even discovered that he found himself spontaneously thinking and planning his future on a very different way than he used to do. We designed a plan based on his aspirations and dreams. This time he was ready to dream big and he aimed to have a position of president in his organization. He got a promotion 2 months after our last session and he continues to improve on himself ever since. His stress totally disappeared and he sleeps deeply every night.
Once you have explored different action plans decide on one or two of them and commit yourself to taking action. May you become even more successful than you can imagine.
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