3 Things That Kill Relationships
Insecurity in my opinion is a huge problem in relationships! A huge problem in the world but that is a whole other topic! Today we are just focusing on relationships.
I want you to just think about this for a second.
How can you be your best self if you are hiding behind a mask of insecurity?
When you first meet a potential partner you are not insecure. You are pumped full of the “love drug” and you are at your finest! You have your game on! Your hair is done, makeup is on. You may even pull out the special clothes section in your closet.
Months later you start to question things, question yourself. You may start feeling like he is cheating or that you are not good enough for him. You may stop doing your hair and makeup and those special clothes may have turned to sweat pants!
You may get depressed, you may have no motivation. Just these crazy thoughts and self talk that is not positive at all!
You may even see a pattern in previous relationships unfolding.
When we meet a potential partner we tend to forget how to think straight. We are swept off our feet and many times we don’t even consider if this person will meet our expectations down the road.
I find it fascinating how when we are under the spell of the “love drug” we really do live in the now!! The present. We aren’t stuck in the past or looking to far into the future other than that of the relationship that in this moment is so tantalizing.
So fast forward 1-3 years down the road….
The “love drug” has worn of a bit year by year. Some of us much quicker.
We now know our partner and in many cases they are nothing like you thought they would be.
We may even try to change them. Then get upset when they just don’t listen.
This all because of expectations of our own that are not met.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations of people but you must first know what your expectations are and secondly communicate this with your potential partners.
3. Past Experiences
Living in your past is never a good thing. Even if your past was good.
If you have had bad luck in all your past relationships and now this partner you met recently is great but your so afraid because of your past experiences you are headed for trouble. You will not allow yourself to be close, you will actually do the opposite and push this person away. Then eventually they will walk away.
If you were honest with this person about your feelings based on past relationship experiences, not as to hold onto these feelings but to allow them to be aware of your experiences so they can be compassionate if something happens to trigger your feelings.
This way if they notice you withdrawing they can say and do things to reassure you that they are there for you.
There are many other issues in relationships such as communication problems, intimacy problems, parenting differences, etc.
Then to add to this we all have our own issues! Some we have dealt with others we have not. We have swept them under the rug for many different reasons instead of dealing with them. But guess what? If we don’t deal with these issues they have a tricky way of popping up so yes eventually one day you will need to address it.
So my advice to all women out there.
Instead of focusing on your partners flaws and trying to fix them. Focus on your own and fix them.
You can control only you!! Your actions, your reactions, and your happiness!
If you are happy with who you are then you will not be wearing the insecurity mask and you will not hold false expectations of people, and you also will not base your relationships on past experiences.
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